I asked a handful of people I admire to share the best advice they can remember. Here’s what they told me, based on things they’ve read or heard…

My Wife on the Purpose of Difficulties
“Difficulties have been placed in my life for the purpose of cultivating my character, and conforming me to reflect Christ-like qualities” (source: Joni Eareckson Tada). “That statement helps me face my difficulties head on and trust God. (I didn’t need to ask my sweetheart if I was one of those “difficulties” God placed in her life. I already knew.)

Retired Marine Colonel Myrl Allinder on Inner Peace
“Search for the truth. Love the truth. Embrace the truth — about yourself!”

Early in his life, Myrl was interested in engineering truth, so he became an engineer. He was interested in mathematics truth, so he earned an MS in statistics. Then he got interested aviation truth, so he became “the world’s greatest aviator,” he jokingly told me. In actuality, he was a fighter pilot, helicopter pilot, transport pilot and carrier pilot.

When GOD turned his “life-direction toward the Cross in 1964 in Vietnam,” Myrl interests turned to biblical truth. He enjoyed being in the limelight as a Christian speaker.  He “hit the charismatic road from 1968-1975… leading men’s camps, doing missionary work in Africa, South America, and Russia… telling others what great things God has done through me… all the time avoiding the truth about me!

> secret, lies
> secret motives of self glorification
> secret this-and-thats…. all were hidden.

“God had to crush and humiliate me again, and again, and again, until I finally said to my wife, ‘Do NOT ask me a question again, unless you want to hear the answer.’ ”

“The more I told the truth, the more God began to open up my heart to my inner self. The more I began to see the truth — that this flesh is full of lust and that there is no sin which I am incapable… ‘I am the worst of sinners’ (Christ did not make it optional when He told us to pray without ceasing).

“The more that I began to love the truth and look at the truth about myself, the more I identified with Paul’s scream, ‘O wretched man that I am! Who can deliver me from these bonds of corruption?!’

“The more transparent I become, the more honest and open I am in all relationships — with my wife, family, friends, enemies, street people, cashiers at Macy’s, boys in jail — the more peace comes into my life.”

Spiritual Leader Don Atkin on Mentoring
In 1971, Don had a divine appointment with Dr. Richard Halverson, who later became Chaplain of the U.S. Senate. It was in the early 1970s, when Don asked Dr. Halverson if he had any counsel for a minister just getting started.  He said:

“Spend time with men!”

“He went on to explain that helping men to be who and how God made them to be would be the greatest service that I could possibly offer to women and children,” Don said.

“His words pierced my heart and have stayed with me for nearly forty years. Since that time, I have been privileged to serve dozens of younger men and helped to bring them to maturity. These men are godly leaders on several continents today. I have been abundantly blessed to live long enough to see their fruitfulness.

“Four words, ’spend time with men,’ have been shared with all of these men and more, including speaking to groups and congregations over these many years.  Dr. Halverson’s counsel changed me and I made it my counsel, so that others may grow up and pass on these powerful words.

(Don Atkin is moderator of a global communion of apostles, their companies, teams, networks and local church expressions. He lives with his wife of 56 years near Charlotte, North Carolina. They are surrounded with grandchildren and great grandchildren, both in natural life and in the Spirit.)

My Cousin, Pastor Monte Wike
I found my distant cousin Monte a few months ago on the Internet. He pastors First Christian Church in Colorado City, TX. He told me about an experience he had at Seminary:

“When I was a student at the Golden Gate Seminary in Berkeley, CA, I got a job as a lab assistant at the Radiation Laboratory, University of California. I knew nothing about nebular physics, but had a minor in chemistry, and this was the scientific background I needed.  We were searching in those days for first the K-meson, and then the antiproton with particles generated by the Bevatron. The physicists were Jewish refugees from Germany, Gershom and Sulamith Goldhaber. Since I was studying for the ministry, religious discussions often came up. One day Sula said, “I can show you the same God in the microscope as in the telescope. The universe has perfect order. Everything we are looking for already exists in space. We are just making it easier to find.” God is so precise that He can be represented by the least things, and the greatest. He can use any person regardless of qualifications or importance. His love is universal.”

(Monte Wike is a graduate of Oklahoma Baptist University, Shawnee, OK, and Golden Gate Baptist Seminary (now in) Mill Valley, CA.)

My Youngest Son’s Advice on Business and Life
My son likes the comment, “Priorities are what you *DO*… Everything else is just talk,” by Don Barefoot at C12 Group.

“When I learned what the phrase ‘to each his own’ really meant and I began to not overwhelm myself with everyone’s problems, but focus solely on myself and *my* relationship with God, the peace and joy and love for life that followed was immeasurable.” My son heard this from his wise and gracious grandmother.

And finally, regarding marriage he said, “Premarital counseling is a non-negotiable!” His college major was counseling, and he’s been married for over ten years, and his marriage seems perfect.

(My son, David, is President of the JCA Company in Greer, SC.)

One of my Favorite Pastors
I used to attend an EPC church here in Wilmington, and Pastor Brian Slater has faithfully served that congregation through difficult times. He told me, “In any church, you choose who you lose.  You’re going to lose somebody, so why not choose by setting standards.” He heard this from Dr. John Maxwell on one of his simulcasts. (I hope he wasn’t referring to me!)

Ad Agency Owner Greg Ford
Greg loved and respected his grandfather who told him, “Son I want you to understand something about life. There will always be someone who has more money, more success, title, is stronger, faster etc. I want you to always remember the most important thing: Be a good man with integrity and honor. These are things that can’t be bought. People will respect a man who can be trusted and cares for others.”

(Greg is the founder of Ford Design Design Group in Wilmington, NC.)

What do you do when Plan A fails?
If you’re like me, you pray and then come up with Plan B. I had been convinced my Plan A was inspired. I was confident God had lead me to launch my first newsletter. It seemed so clear: When my wife and I had first talked and prayed about it, we got up off of our knees, sat on the bed, and the phone rang. It was the person I most wanted to be the editor of the newsletter. I hadn’t heard from him in several years, but out of the blue he called. He’d just completed an assignment for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association in Amsterdam, and he was looking for work.

It had to be God. So I launched the newsletter and over the next decade lost a lot of money publishing it. Thankfully, the rest of my business was successful, so I could cover those losses.

This expensive learning experience eventually paid off. When we got to the point where we couldn’t cover the costs (paper prices had skyrocketed), the Internet was coming on strong. So we folded the newsletter and started an electronic news service that grew incredibly fast. Fortunately, we were one of a very few profitable companies in the early dot-com days.

What do you do when Plan B fails?
Soon after our Web site launched, several Christian men put together a public company and raised millions of dollars with an IPO. They needed content, so they asked me to merge my company with theirs. I’d never had millions of dollars in a “war chest” (as they called it) to carry out my communications dream for the cause of Christ, so this seemed like a terrific opportunity to take it to the next level — better and faster than I had ever imagined — and reach millions more people.

After the merger, I watched management run through many millions of dollars in about a year. I think they were well-intentioned. But sadly, they were clueless about running a business targeted to Christians, and as a result, plan B failed.

After a year, I quit. Literally. I walked away. Within a few months they were forced to sell what little was left of the business to another communications firm. It was a heart-breaking experience for everyone involved. The resentment took some time to work through. I only wish I’d had the book I’m reading now back then. It’s called Plan B, and it’s written by Pete Wilson, the lead pastor at Cross Point Church in Nashville. Here’s a brief excerpt…

Your options.
When life doesn’t turn out the way you thought it was going to turn out, you may think you’re losing control. But the truth is, you never had control in the first place. The only thing you do control is how you respond to your disappointments and unexpected obstacles.

You can allow the river of fear, anger, and disappointment to rage. But you need to know that rage will affect every relationship you touch, every job you have, every plan you dream. It’s just the way things work.

Another possibility is to keep trying harder. You can turn yourself inside-out trying to make things happen. You can keep throwing yourself at your problems, wear yourself out yanking all those strings. But the truth is, you can pull and tug… and still have your dreams dissolve in front of your eyes — perhaps along with some of your most treasured relationships.

But you have yet another choice.

You can get to the place where you can say [to God], “Not my will, but your will. I’m not in control. You are.”

If you can do that, if you can leave the puppet strings in the hands of someone who actually knows what he is doing, you’ll have a lot better chance of surviving your shattered dreams.

†

There’s so much more to the book Plan B. It’s packed with insight and wisdom that will help you get through failed plans — A, B, C, or whatever. But I’m only allowed to excerpt a small portion. Get your copy directly from the publisher, Thomas Nelson, or your favorite bookstore.